It's taken me a month to get around to writing this post. I don't really know how many people look at this blog for updates, so you may not have been waiting. However, it is the end. It's the end of my time in Mexico, it's the end of my AIM experience, it's the end of my daily routines and constant bilingual lifestyle. It's the end. I struggled so much in Mexico. Honestly, most of it could have been avoided if I didn't try to fix everything. I wasn't looking for ways to improve my situation, I was looking for ways to improve everyone else's; because maybe if everyone else was ok, then I'd have time to worry about me. Which was exhaustive. I made zero progress improving other peoples lives because I can't do that- that's a choice that they have to make. How naïve of me. So now it's the end. I want this transition time to also be the end of my mental strain. I have the capacity to problem solve and help people and who knows what else. It's time for me to train myself to do those things, but in the correct order.
So much good came from my time in Mexico. I've made friends, I've learned Spanish, I've helped people, I've served... Praise God! But just because I've left Mexico, doesn't mean it's the end of my ministry there. It also a great opportunity to find a way to minister here. Wherever here is. It's not about me or what I think I can do, or where I think is best. It's the end of one adventure, opening the door to another.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Saturday, October 18, 2008
happily ever after...
I am losing a very fierce fight inside of myself right now. What is there to say when everything is going wrong? The hurricane is at it's worst. The little things that once were your shelter are plowed over and the people near by are just as scared and distressed as you are. Is there really anything else you can say?
A clever one may say, "oh no! the sky is falling!?" and think very little of how unecessary their previous observance was.
Another may say nothing because the sheer fact that the sky is in turmoil and the ground is quaking... is enough to fill them with fear and further expression would be unbearble.
Still others may not make it through the storm in good shape; losing things they were holding onto too closely or people that were near them.
However, I can't help but believe that there must be just a few people out there who can wade out the storm. Someone who took what was coming, in stride, and persevered to be of assistance when the storm cleared.
In my life, things have never been smooth. I know I mention this a lot... but it's all I can really talk about. God's grace delivered me through those things. I can not deny that. It doesn't mean that I did it gracefully... it doesn't mean that I am one of those last kinds of people I mentioned... No, it probably means that I'm a little bit of ALL of those kinds of people.
So why am I writing? Why do I almost always right about struggles? Why do I almost always write of my problems or of my past? Well, the thing is... all I have is God. God is the only thing that all of my struggles have in common. God was there before, during and after every fight, every death, every sleepless night... he was there and he has definitely shown me that he will still and always be there. He reminds me every day of how I am a princess. He reminds me of the virtues and the promises I have made with him and how valuable I am. He guides me to see where my future will be, and with who and how I will live my life. God has a plan and he never ceases to remind me that I am looking forward to an "happily ever after" with him.
God is good... He wants to have a happily ever after with all of us. Never forget that. Never.
A clever one may say, "oh no! the sky is falling!?" and think very little of how unecessary their previous observance was.
Another may say nothing because the sheer fact that the sky is in turmoil and the ground is quaking... is enough to fill them with fear and further expression would be unbearble.
Still others may not make it through the storm in good shape; losing things they were holding onto too closely or people that were near them.
However, I can't help but believe that there must be just a few people out there who can wade out the storm. Someone who took what was coming, in stride, and persevered to be of assistance when the storm cleared.
In my life, things have never been smooth. I know I mention this a lot... but it's all I can really talk about. God's grace delivered me through those things. I can not deny that. It doesn't mean that I did it gracefully... it doesn't mean that I am one of those last kinds of people I mentioned... No, it probably means that I'm a little bit of ALL of those kinds of people.
So why am I writing? Why do I almost always right about struggles? Why do I almost always write of my problems or of my past? Well, the thing is... all I have is God. God is the only thing that all of my struggles have in common. God was there before, during and after every fight, every death, every sleepless night... he was there and he has definitely shown me that he will still and always be there. He reminds me every day of how I am a princess. He reminds me of the virtues and the promises I have made with him and how valuable I am. He guides me to see where my future will be, and with who and how I will live my life. God has a plan and he never ceases to remind me that I am looking forward to an "happily ever after" with him.
God is good... He wants to have a happily ever after with all of us. Never forget that. Never.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Impossible.
The things that bother me most are permanent. They are there and that won't change. So why do I waste my time in disagreement? Why would I want to waste time or slam my head full of idea against something so impossible? Something so pointless; surely I'll just be disapointed and discouraged.
But.
What if they aren't really impossible? Those things aren't known for changing, but it's still possible? If I failed should I really be discouraged?
I have been fighting my own mind ever since I can remember.
"To try, or not to try..."
"To peacefully withdraw, or fight."
"To be strange and original, or follow."
I don't just mean the superficial things. To give up or not, to be nice or not, to be origianl or a robot... I mean spiritually.
But.
What if they aren't really impossible? Those things aren't known for changing, but it's still possible? If I failed should I really be discouraged?
I have been fighting my own mind ever since I can remember.
"To try, or not to try..."
"To peacefully withdraw, or fight."
"To be strange and original, or follow."
I don't just mean the superficial things. To give up or not, to be nice or not, to be origianl or a robot... I mean spiritually.
I've done quite a bit of reading in Ecclesiastes. The writer paints a very dim picture of how things we want to accomplish and the work we do is meaningless. But another question is if we never did anything how much purpose would we have?
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
These verses seem very out of place compared to the rest of the book. Describing how the work we do is pointless... but still there is a time and a place for everything.
Maybe, the truth is that all of these things simply pale in comparison to God.
Just because I have bad days and struggle while i'm here in Mexico, doesn't mean that things we do here are pointless. Just because I will fail or stumble while I'm living my life, doesn't mean that it's pointless. There is a time for everthing. Do you want to know who determins that time? The one person that trumps them all.
Ecclesiastes 12:13
13 Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
The things that bother me the most are permanent. They are stationary. They are difficult. How can I assume they are impossible. It's just all in God's time.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Like a tree
Trees. There are many different kinds of trees.
My favorite kinds are tall,
with dark bark,
spacious limbs
and deep green leaves.
Can you imagine this tree?
Imagine how the sun shines through it and the breeze gracefully moves through. The tree is very strong and sturdy. It has weathered many years of change and perseverance. This tree is alive.
I was thinking yesterday. Like I said in my last note, I tend to think a lot these days.
I struggle with painful memories. Sometimes I can dismiss them, and it's healthy to do so... but yesterday was very different. I found myself stuck in an emotional rut. I don't know exactly why these feelings surfaced or why I couldn't move past them... but there they were.
We are trees.
Ok, now... bear with me. I hope you don't hear me saying, "hey, you're brown, green and old..." These things are strictly metaphorical depending on who you are ;).
But seriously. We should be trees... trees are awesome!
Psalm 1:1-3
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates
day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of
water that yields its fruit in season, and it's leaf does not wither.
In all that he does he prospers.
What holds us back from being everything God says we can be? For me, this barrior is myself. I struggle to let myself truely live free and appreciate my salvation. Fear holds me back from seeing that I am blessed. It hides the truth of how deep my roots go.
What are you? Maybe you aren't like one of the illustrations in the Psalm... but do you ever feel like you just aren't there? Maybe you don't 'walk in the counsel of wicked,' but you struggle to trust God?
I was thinking a lot yesterday... and after some meditation, I remembered that I am a tree. Don't let the past tell you different, don't dwell on yesteday.
Trees. Have bark, are green, are tall... not perfect, but beautiful still the same.
"In all that he does, he prospers..."
My favorite kinds are tall,
with dark bark,
spacious limbs
and deep green leaves.
Can you imagine this tree?
Imagine how the sun shines through it and the breeze gracefully moves through. The tree is very strong and sturdy. It has weathered many years of change and perseverance. This tree is alive.
I was thinking yesterday. Like I said in my last note, I tend to think a lot these days.
I struggle with painful memories. Sometimes I can dismiss them, and it's healthy to do so... but yesterday was very different. I found myself stuck in an emotional rut. I don't know exactly why these feelings surfaced or why I couldn't move past them... but there they were.
We are trees.
Ok, now... bear with me. I hope you don't hear me saying, "hey, you're brown, green and old..." These things are strictly metaphorical depending on who you are ;).
But seriously. We should be trees... trees are awesome!
Psalm 1:1-3
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates
day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of
water that yields its fruit in season, and it's leaf does not wither.
In all that he does he prospers.
What holds us back from being everything God says we can be? For me, this barrior is myself. I struggle to let myself truely live free and appreciate my salvation. Fear holds me back from seeing that I am blessed. It hides the truth of how deep my roots go.
What are you? Maybe you aren't like one of the illustrations in the Psalm... but do you ever feel like you just aren't there? Maybe you don't 'walk in the counsel of wicked,' but you struggle to trust God?
I was thinking a lot yesterday... and after some meditation, I remembered that I am a tree. Don't let the past tell you different, don't dwell on yesteday.
Trees. Have bark, are green, are tall... not perfect, but beautiful still the same.
"In all that he does, he prospers..."
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Dare
I was thinking the other day. I tend to do this a lot. So, with all of my years of experience in this area, I thought it best to share a few of them with you all listening. I have a thought.
Have you looked around lately and felt that things were incomplete? I would never presume to complain that things around me aren't up to par, or that things are just so-so... but sometimes I get a vibe that things can be better. Do you know that feeling?
I was thinking the other day, and today for that matter... about how God uses the least likely people to serve him. The story of Jonathan and his Armor bearer came to mind. Think about these two men. What were their roles?
You have one who is the Kings son. And another who is basically his servant- with a sword. But what else is there? Jonathan could easily be quiet, wait for his fathers lead and ponder "what are we gunna do?" And justly so, his armor bearer would have stayed put... because he was just as scared as the rest of them.
But when I think about this situation the whole army faced, there are only two actions needed: Someone must lead and someone must follow.
Objectively, I would assume that the King, God's "anointed" would be the first to step up to lead, but instead... his son, a humble man, took the lead. But what good is a leader if no one follows? Jonathan would never ask for his armor bearer to risk his life, he volunteered it.
If you know this story already, I don't need to go into much more detail about these characters.... if you haven’t read this before, it’s in 1 Samuel 14.
My whole point is this… humility. But not where we usually sense it. When you’re able, don’t be afraid to take the lead. Don’t be afraid to speak out; don’t be afraid to go against the grain. There was a whole army still sitting around whenever Jonathan decided to ‘attack.’ Even the King hadn’t stepped up to the challenge. Lead: even when it seems crazy, even when it seems hopeless… don’t stop having hope.
But even more importantly… (Listen well to this one) Don’t be ashamed to follow. Don’t be afraid of trusting your leaders, don’t be a difficult follower, don’t forget that this job is so important as well. If Jonathan went ahead alone, he may not have been so lucky (sure, that really is in God’s hand.) But listen to what the armor bearer said to Jonathan, "Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul." These words had to be empowering for Jonathan: encouraging, reassuring. The role that the Armor bearer played was so vital. The follower is vital.
Whether you are Jonathan or the Armor Bearer… it doesn’t really matter does it. Just don’t be a bench warmer. Take a step of faith out of your comfort zone. Trust someone else. Encourage each other if you fail. Thank each other for following. I dare you.
Have you looked around lately and felt that things were incomplete? I would never presume to complain that things around me aren't up to par, or that things are just so-so... but sometimes I get a vibe that things can be better. Do you know that feeling?
I was thinking the other day, and today for that matter... about how God uses the least likely people to serve him. The story of Jonathan and his Armor bearer came to mind. Think about these two men. What were their roles?
You have one who is the Kings son. And another who is basically his servant- with a sword. But what else is there? Jonathan could easily be quiet, wait for his fathers lead and ponder "what are we gunna do?" And justly so, his armor bearer would have stayed put... because he was just as scared as the rest of them.
But when I think about this situation the whole army faced, there are only two actions needed: Someone must lead and someone must follow.
Objectively, I would assume that the King, God's "anointed" would be the first to step up to lead, but instead... his son, a humble man, took the lead. But what good is a leader if no one follows? Jonathan would never ask for his armor bearer to risk his life, he volunteered it.
If you know this story already, I don't need to go into much more detail about these characters.... if you haven’t read this before, it’s in 1 Samuel 14.
My whole point is this… humility. But not where we usually sense it. When you’re able, don’t be afraid to take the lead. Don’t be afraid to speak out; don’t be afraid to go against the grain. There was a whole army still sitting around whenever Jonathan decided to ‘attack.’ Even the King hadn’t stepped up to the challenge. Lead: even when it seems crazy, even when it seems hopeless… don’t stop having hope.
But even more importantly… (Listen well to this one) Don’t be ashamed to follow. Don’t be afraid of trusting your leaders, don’t be a difficult follower, don’t forget that this job is so important as well. If Jonathan went ahead alone, he may not have been so lucky (sure, that really is in God’s hand.) But listen to what the armor bearer said to Jonathan, "Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul." These words had to be empowering for Jonathan: encouraging, reassuring. The role that the Armor bearer played was so vital. The follower is vital.
Whether you are Jonathan or the Armor Bearer… it doesn’t really matter does it. Just don’t be a bench warmer. Take a step of faith out of your comfort zone. Trust someone else. Encourage each other if you fail. Thank each other for following. I dare you.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Jesus, mi deseo es ser como tu
Jesus, my desire is to be like you.
This feel has been overwhemling this week. In different situations I've faced, I contemplated... "but what would He do?" Such a difficult possition.
I know that there is no ONE way that Jesus would behave. He is a living person, he has a mind. There is no Jesus pill out there... it's just simply Him. I want to know him more than ever I think, but what would that look like?
Jesus.
Somethings about him are impossible to describe, they can only be felt. Can you imagine?
When I sat back and really just thought "What would Jesus do?" I realized one thing:
How well do I know my brother?
It's like in my family, I don't know EXACTLY what my little sisters next move will be... but I know her well enough to anticipate her response in most scenarios. Why should it be different with Christ?
I've been alive with him for 11 years, this year. Age doesn't matter, other than when explaining the depth of knowledge we CAN obtain about him. By the time I was eleven years old I had best friends; I knew they favorite colors, their favorite bands, what they liked, what food they prefered...
If I want to be like Jesus, I need to know him. Christianity is technically, "Mimic Christ..." I've been a christian for 11 years and I will be until I die... how much can I hope to learn about my savior in that amount of time? It's limitless. I will ALWAYS be related to my little sister... I will never know everything, precisely about her because she is a living, breathing, growing individual. But I can strive for closeness. I can try.
When I struggle to know what Jesus would do, it's not because I don't know him... it's just an oportunity to get to know him better.
This feel has been overwhemling this week. In different situations I've faced, I contemplated... "but what would He do?" Such a difficult possition.
I know that there is no ONE way that Jesus would behave. He is a living person, he has a mind. There is no Jesus pill out there... it's just simply Him. I want to know him more than ever I think, but what would that look like?
Jesus.
Somethings about him are impossible to describe, they can only be felt. Can you imagine?
When I sat back and really just thought "What would Jesus do?" I realized one thing:
How well do I know my brother?
It's like in my family, I don't know EXACTLY what my little sisters next move will be... but I know her well enough to anticipate her response in most scenarios. Why should it be different with Christ?
I've been alive with him for 11 years, this year. Age doesn't matter, other than when explaining the depth of knowledge we CAN obtain about him. By the time I was eleven years old I had best friends; I knew they favorite colors, their favorite bands, what they liked, what food they prefered...
If I want to be like Jesus, I need to know him. Christianity is technically, "Mimic Christ..." I've been a christian for 11 years and I will be until I die... how much can I hope to learn about my savior in that amount of time? It's limitless. I will ALWAYS be related to my little sister... I will never know everything, precisely about her because she is a living, breathing, growing individual. But I can strive for closeness. I can try.
When I struggle to know what Jesus would do, it's not because I don't know him... it's just an oportunity to get to know him better.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
The Storm
The Storm is passing over…
The storm
I’ve never had a fear of storms. As a matter of fact, as a child I welcomed them. I was living in Louisiana when hurricane Andrew went through Florida and then into Louisiana. I remember the tension and the fear of my family around me… not knowing if they storm was worsening in our area because the power was out. It was serious, but I wasn’t afraid. I have always understood the severity of a storm like a hurricane- I don’t want to sound ignorant. I have merely never seen terror in the eye of the storm.
As it turned out, we didn’t get extreme weather in our town; just a few down power lines and shingles were missing here and there. That was just life to me- and I was only 5.
The rain
I have been alive for 19 years now… and I would have to say I like where I am today. I have only been alive for 19 years and my life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses either. Life is hard for everyone. We aren’t born with an immunity to hurt… it must be calloused, we must endure it. We experience degrees of life and change and sorrow, but why? I have dealt with death, relocation, betrayal, adultery, verbal abuse, near death experiences and severe depression; I’m only 19. There has been a lot of rainfall in my life, but I know why I am here- standing in the rain.
In the sunshine
You can’t always expect the sunshine to be so great either. When I was young I was naive and that was the way it should be… but we can’t stay that way. If I never scraped my knee, if I never lost a best friend… If I never played in the rain I would drown.
The storm is passing over
I heard a song when I was 12… and to this day I only know one verse. It was simply:
The storm is passing over…
The storm is passing over…
The storm is passing over…
Halelu- hallelujah- hallelujah…
Don’t ask me how, but I have never lost the words or the tune to this song… It is embedding in my mind after hearing it so long ago. I always equate pain and hard time with my spiritual walk. I have been told by many people that things in my past and my response have nothing to do with my spiritual life. It’s real pain and it’s real depression… but it doesn’t mean you don’t trust God. To me… It’s very different.
Hallelujah
I have weathered a good amount of experiences in my life… and I know I am not finished yet. But that is what makes me excited. I have seen the eye of the storm now. I can say that I am alive and that God delivered me. It doesn’t make something like death or betrayal any easier… but it reminds me that God is holding my hand in this storm.
Jesus had to endure storms… at the hand of the sea and at the hands of my sins. All of them bring me back to this constant truth… the storm is passing over. Hallelujah!
The storm
I’ve never had a fear of storms. As a matter of fact, as a child I welcomed them. I was living in Louisiana when hurricane Andrew went through Florida and then into Louisiana. I remember the tension and the fear of my family around me… not knowing if they storm was worsening in our area because the power was out. It was serious, but I wasn’t afraid. I have always understood the severity of a storm like a hurricane- I don’t want to sound ignorant. I have merely never seen terror in the eye of the storm.
As it turned out, we didn’t get extreme weather in our town; just a few down power lines and shingles were missing here and there. That was just life to me- and I was only 5.
The rain
I have been alive for 19 years now… and I would have to say I like where I am today. I have only been alive for 19 years and my life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses either. Life is hard for everyone. We aren’t born with an immunity to hurt… it must be calloused, we must endure it. We experience degrees of life and change and sorrow, but why? I have dealt with death, relocation, betrayal, adultery, verbal abuse, near death experiences and severe depression; I’m only 19. There has been a lot of rainfall in my life, but I know why I am here- standing in the rain.
In the sunshine
You can’t always expect the sunshine to be so great either. When I was young I was naive and that was the way it should be… but we can’t stay that way. If I never scraped my knee, if I never lost a best friend… If I never played in the rain I would drown.
The storm is passing over
I heard a song when I was 12… and to this day I only know one verse. It was simply:
The storm is passing over…
The storm is passing over…
The storm is passing over…
Halelu- hallelujah- hallelujah…
Don’t ask me how, but I have never lost the words or the tune to this song… It is embedding in my mind after hearing it so long ago. I always equate pain and hard time with my spiritual walk. I have been told by many people that things in my past and my response have nothing to do with my spiritual life. It’s real pain and it’s real depression… but it doesn’t mean you don’t trust God. To me… It’s very different.
Hallelujah
I have weathered a good amount of experiences in my life… and I know I am not finished yet. But that is what makes me excited. I have seen the eye of the storm now. I can say that I am alive and that God delivered me. It doesn’t make something like death or betrayal any easier… but it reminds me that God is holding my hand in this storm.
Jesus had to endure storms… at the hand of the sea and at the hands of my sins. All of them bring me back to this constant truth… the storm is passing over. Hallelujah!
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