Bent

Bent. (2 Cor. 4:7-12)

Today I was challenged. I’m not talking about the necessity to wake up early, stay awake in Spanish class, or not get sick from Mexican food. I speak of a challenge very few people have the opportunity to endure; I had to speak. I know that this is probably a rare problem. The human race is a natural at filling silence with sounds of all kinds whether it’s music, conversation or television. Today was just like the others. Daily: I wake up at 6:30, eat breakfast, get ready for school and ride a bus to school where I sit for 6 hours in Spanish class. After class we ride the bus home and do home work or eat dinner, then head to our evening commitments. But today I was challenged when I felt a wave of reality sweep over me. I was bent into a new dimension it seemed. I wasn’t afraid of this feeling, nor was I upset. Sometimes with situations like this all you can ever do is move on.

When I was 8 years old I traveled through Mount Saint Helens national park in Washington State. I was told about how the volcano exploded uniquely because of the pressure built up. This once beautiful mountain (volcano) and its surroundings were ever changed because the volcano erupted irregularly. As my family drove down the road towards this famous volcano, I saw that the trees leading up to the sight were bent from their natural orientation, almost making an ‘s’ shape. I couldn’t understand how one incident could lead to the permanent change of all its surrounding. It had been 20 years since this volcano erupted and still you could see the wake it left.

I feel the same.

I feel the same as one of those trees along the road that day. It wasn’t dead, it wasn’t debris and it certainly wasn’t the same. So many things in my life have uniquely changed how I see the world around me and how the world sees me.

Not many people know this about me, but I am an artist. My truly artistic side only comes out when I feel the least pressure to perform. Assume what you like, but honestly, I am very protective of things like my art. Now that I’ve said all of this, you may be wondering what Mt Saint Helens, Spanish class, and art all have to do with each other… and the answer is simply, “bent.”

I have felt like a tree, out of my element. The volcano erupted and reality has bent me into a strange new dimension. I cannot hide, I cannot be silent and I can no longer blend in. I am art and I am begging for normalcy.

Bent- not broken.

I mentioned silence in my first paragraph… this was a personal reference to my second language: American Sign Language. It’s hard to explain, because very few people have been in my shoes… but this language is in my heart and in my head. I have days, like today, which I pray for someone I can speak ASL with. I would never say a word if I could… just to be able to express myself to someone. I am a tree, out of alignment and changed forever. I know that God has a plan and he never leaves his people stranded… I am just praying that I can see the beauty in this change.

I would never assume to blame a cultural change like living in Mexico for this feeling… it has been long overdue and is related to things beyond ASL and Spanish. As for culture shock, if I denied having at least a few of these feelings I would be a BIG LIAR. However, for today I think I will say I am ‘Bent’.
For more info behind my train of thought, please read 2 Cor. 4… God bless.